Category Archives: SoulFood for SoulMates

Meet Neeta and Sumthimal Lodha from Ajmer whom we had the pleasure of meeting in Ajmer, Rajasthan where we interviewed them as the next couple for our column, Soulfood and Soulmates for the Harmony – Celebrate Age magazine. We are reposting the interview here below.

As you enter the city of Ajmer, you can ask anyone where the Lodha Haveli is, and you will be instantly guided to the 150-year-old haveli whose occupants are as well known as the haveli in which they reside. So our expectations were sky high even before we reached the residence of Mrs. Neeta (55) and Mr.Sumthimal Lodha (60), yet their hospitality and warmth left us speechless. It was indeed an incredible experience. And what really inspired us to feature them as a SoulMate couple was that we lost count of the number of times he made a reference to his wife, showing us her photographs and speaking about her qualities – so ardently, so passionately. Both of them are Rajasthani Jains; she belongs to the Baldota family of Mumbai while his family is one of the most renowned and revered families in Ajmer. At the end of the interview, Mrs.Lodha shared a favorite recipe of hers with us – Aloo Pyaaz Subzi with Tikkad.

J&P: Since both of you are from the same community, are your family backgrounds similar?
She: I grew up in Mumbai in a rather cosmopolitan atmosphere while his family is more conservative.
When we got married, I found their customs and lifestyle to be very different from mine, but I adjusted quite easily.
He: It is true that our family backgrounds were very different. She came from a forward-looking family. You may have heard of the Baldotas; they are known as the metal kings.
She: I graduated from Poddar college, Mumbai, whereas he studied in Chennai. My family was very keen that I should marry someone with a good educational qualification.
He: In 1974, I completed my chemical engineering at AC Tech in Chennai after which I went to Khamgaon, Maharashtra for intensive training in solvent extraction processing. After some laboratory experiments, our team worked on processing of mango kernel to extract oil and succeeded. After refining, this is exported, to be used as substitute for cocoa butter. After processing, we get 10% oil, and 90% of the mango kernel extraction is used as cattle feed.

J&P: How did you meet and where did you live?
She: We were married in December 1978. Ours was an arranged marriage. In 1982, we shifted to Tadapalligudam in Vijayawada, AP. Our twin sons, Sahil & Suhel, were born in 1985.
He: My family tried hard to find me a suitable life partner, but I was rather fussy. When I met Neeta, I knew she was the one for me.

J&P: Lodhaji, your family lineage is meritorious. Can you describe it in a nutshell?
He: In 1818, my great-grandfather’s father Hamirsinghji and his father Kawalnainji came to Ajmer from Jaipur before which they were living in Alwar. Hamirsinghji’s son Samirmalji Lodha served as Treasurer for BB&CI Railway (Metre Gauge) and this post was held by our family until 1940. From 1890 to 1898, he was also the vice-chairman of the Municipal Council and honorary magistrate. He was honoured with the title of ‘Raibahadur’. Samirmalji’s grandson Jatanmalji is my father. The construction of this haveli started in 1850 and since then, this has been our ancestral home.

J&P: Is this where you grew up?
He: No, I grew up in Chennai where my parents were staying. But in 1993, all of us decided to return to Ajmer to manage our huge properties. I am glad I chose to come.

J&P: Can see that you are truly glad for that. Can you name one tradition that you truly cherish?
He: In olden days, the royal families (Rajwada) would get independent cremation grounds. Our family was bestowed the same honour and we have an independent cremation ground which is situated over acres of land. For me, this place is like a temple. I come here ever so often, specifically on amavasya (new moon) and spend time in silence. It is here that I find a great connection with my history. Whatever I am today is because of the blessings of my elders.
She: In fact, it is a family tradition that every bride who comes into our family is first taken to this place.

J&P: Many people tell us that you are a ‘made-for-each-other couple’. Tell us in your own words.
He: Even though we got married without matching our horoscopes, when we checked them much later, the pandit told us that 29 qualities out of 36 were well matched (laughs).
She: As you may be aware, this is considered to be very lucky.
He: What I really like about her is her ability to adjust. I have never known her to be negative about anything.
She: I like the fact that he always takes my opinion into consideration. He does have a short temper, but he cools down very easily. He likes to argue, but eventually he will heed my suggestions.
He: She easily adjusted into my family with her smiling nature which is something she seems to be gifted with.

J&P: That’s so true. Tell us Neetaji, how do you manage to keep this palatial house so elegant and beautiful, and yet look so calm and composed at all times?
She: Thank you (smiles). I think I am a lot like my father. He was a very simple and calm person. I have never ever seen him get angry.
He: I don’t ever remember her uttering a harsh word. However angry I may get, she will just smile serenely. Nothing can have a more calming effect.

J&P: The secret for living happily in a joint family?
She: Living in a joint family requires a give and take attitude and the capacity to sacrifice. It is necessary for a couple to respect each other and have mutual trust. Most problems happen because we don’t let go of our ego and try to dominate.
He: I think her secret also lies in her cooking and food presentation. I always admire the way she and Anju (younger brother Rajendra’s wife) present every single dish.

J&P: So food is the way to the heart. What are your favourite preparations?
He: I enjoy her south Indian dishes and also her continental and Chinese fare. Her puddings and sandesh are quite famous. But if there is one dish that all our guests enjoy, it is the dal in our meals.

J&P: Home food or eating out?
She: He loves home meals but I enjoy eating out once in a while.
He: And I am happy enough going along with her.

More on our blog:
>> Aloo Pyaaz Subzi with Tikkad ~ A Rajasthani recipe from Neeta Lodha’s kitchen.
>> SoulFood & SoulMates ~ Click to view some more SoulFood recipes on our Blog.

We are happy to feature Jaya & Narain Mahbubani from Chennai, as our sixth couple in our column Soulfood for Soulmates in Harmony – Celebrate Age magazine.

This was one fun couple…she with her dry, casual humour, enthusiastic to chat, and he, reticent, allowing her to do all the talking with his eyes so honest & very much in love with her. Jaya (56) & Narain Mahbubani (63) – a Sindhi couple from Hong Kong who have made Chennai their home since the last 12 years. We spent the afternoon in their tasteful, smart home over lots of laughter, a few lumps in the throat and some delicious mixed nuts & thoughts to chew upon.

J&P: Tell us a little about your origins.
She: Both our ancestors are Sindhis from Pakistan who had to migrate to India during partition. We were married in 1982 and we have three wonderful children, Viniti, Urvanshi & Jalesh.

J&P: …and thus the world becomes our oyster. Tell us how you met.
She: I was 26 yrs old when we met. My uncle brought him home one day with the sole purpose of match making. I was working with the German consulate in Mumbai.
He: Yes, I liked her right away…
She: But when he left, we didn’t hear anything from him for months!
He: (looks shyly at her and asks) – Isn’t that when the noose happened?
She: (laughs) After almost 3 months, he turned up at my home in Mumbai. He was based in Hong Kong then. We chatted for a while, and then it was time for him to leave, so my parents drove him to the airport. I sat in the backseat of the car with him. All of a sudden he took off the gold chain from his neck & put it around mine. I suppose we were engaged at that moment in time. I call it the noose!

J&P: And what did the parents say?
She: Narain’s own parents had already passed away at that time. He warmly adopted mine as his own.

J&P: What was it that attracted each of you to the other?
She: That he was a self made man. I was impressed! I’ve never said this to you in 29 yrs! (She exclaims fondly).
He: I was drawn to her because of her education. She has a bachelor’s degree in German and 2 masters – in linguistics and in guidance & counseling. I also had an intuitive impulse that she’d help me in my business.
She: He was a workaholic and used to travel a lot. I enjoyed keeping home & bringing up the children.

J&P: We notice that you have your own work spaces in your beautiful home.
He: I used to run an import-export business, but have now retired. I have some properties in and around Chennai which I invested in while in Hong Kong so it keeps me busy trying to cash in now.
She: I am back to doing what I love – back to German. We have been in Chennai for 12 years now. We travel a lot to meet our children and my parents and have lots to look forward to yet!
He: I love to listen to music, read news, and enjoy my ‘self’ time.

J&P: Are you very different from each other?
She: (laughs) Which couple doesn’t have differences? But fortunately, we enjoy many similar activities. In our early years in Chennai we loved going for movies and for concerts during the Margazhi festival of dance & music. When ‘The Park’ hotel launched here, we loved going there – it was our ‘adda’.

J&P: One change you would like to see in each other?
He: I’m too used to her ways! If she’s happy then that’s best. I love her caring nature towards others.
She: I won’t be as humble as him. I wish he wouldn’t procrastinate so much. Earlier he was very hard working, now he’s too chilled out – but I guess he deserves it! I’m very happy that he takes a lot of care of my family…my parents, my sisters – they are all HIS and he loves them truly. It’s the greatest blessing in my life.

J&P: Do you enjoy similar cuisines?
She: We have the same taste in food – both of us like variety. So a normal day in our lives would include South Indian breakfast, Roti, daal, subzi for lunch and an international dish for dinner like a pasta or bake.
He: I’m not fussy about what comes on the table. I give thanks & eat.
She: My standard question every single day is “what would you like to eat” & his standard answer is “whatever you like to cook”. And I love his answer. I wouldn’t have it any other way!
He: When the kids were young, and still living with us, we used to take them out on Sundays for lunch…more for a change and to give her a weekly rest. Now we prefer more of home cooked food which is any day healthier than eating out.
She: I do my cooking myself. When he used to travel he used to love returning home to my cooking.
He: We are vegetarians by choice. We were not earlier. She turned vegetarian after she joined the Brahmakumaris in 1989.
She: I was willing to cook non-veg for them, but they all gradually stopped. In fact, our son, Jalesh has a ‘go veg’ tattoo on his arm!

J&P: And how did that happen?
She: I remember when he was 3 years old. I was feeding him fish curry & rice one day & he tried to feed me back. I told him that as much as I love him, I cannot take it from him because I don’t eat meat. He said, “Animals are my friends too, so I won’t eat meat either.” (She chokes with a lump in her throat.)
He: That same evening Jalesh had a birthday party at McDonalds. He came back hungry from the party, because everything was non-veg there. He was so sensitive even at that tender age! And still is. When we went on a cruise in 2008, he insisted that I undertake from the cruise line that even their cheese and pastas do not contain any non-vegetarian ingredients.
He: When he prostrated at my feet for my blessings, after his sacred thread ceremony in 1997, I was so touched, that I also gave up non-vegetarian food that very moment.

J&P: Narainji, do you like to cook?
He: No! I make a good cup of tea!
She: After 29 yrs of marriage I get bed tea some time.

J&P: Together you have made a beautiful family. Please share a tip for youngsters on love, marriage & commitment?

She: Both have to be committed to each other & the marriage. A perfect marriage would be where each partner brings out the best in the other. They must nurture each other as individuals.
He: In today’s fast paced world, it is better to know each other well before committing to marriage because work life, pace of life, everything has changed. There should be no harsh surprises later. Share & care is my motto. I also believe that it is nice to live with elders…youngsters must try to do that.

Mrs Jaya Mahbubani also shared a traditional Sindhi recipe with us – SAIBHAJI.
(P.S: There may be some minor editing changes before this article was printed in the Harmony Magazine.)
Photo Courtesy : Harmony Magazine

Here is a delightful interaction with Ammini & Rama Ramachandran whom we have featured as the next couple in our Soulfood for Soulmates column in the Harmony-Celebrate Age magazine. We are re-posting the interview here below.

Like the peeling of an onion, the conversation with Ammini (67) & Rama Ramachandran (76) slowly unfolded to reveal fascinating aspects of a life lived together. Originally from Kerala, they have lived in USA since 1970 and have 2 sons. She is a writer and he a Professor of economics. Their passion & dedication to the task at hand is evident as soon as the conversation begins. But what emerged was how his scientific logical mind has played a great role in Ammini’s career. Her book Grains, Greens & Grated coconuts is one of our favourite cookbooks – well planned content, perfect recipes & breath taking insights into the history of Kerala cuisine. On Oct 1, 2011, we had the pleasure of inviting them for dinner, and got to understand what makes her work exemplary – behind this successful woman, stands a strong man!

J&P: Before we jump into cookbook conversations from where there is no return, tell us when, where & how the two of you met?
Rama : Our families were best friends and as the two of us were growing up, they decided we would marry one day.
Ammini: They were 2 boys and we were 3 girls & both of us were the oldest, so his parents always considered me as their daughter and my parents looked upon him as their son.
He: From our teens, we knew we were going to be married.
She: And it seemed like neither of us had any reason to decide otherwise!

J&P: Ah lovely. But do you think such a thing is possible now? Would you decide for your children?
She: Things are a lot different now. My father passed away when I was eight, so my mother had just one goal – to get her three daughters married. And all of us accepted that. I had my boys early and by the time I was in mid-thirties, the boys were claiming their independence.
He: In USA, and now in India too, you don’t want your parents chaperoning you. Marriage is obviously a personal decision now. Our elder son married a lovely American girl & the younger one is 40 years old and not even thinking of marriage.

J&P: So you were not very busy parents?
She: Yes & No. In fact, since our boys were always independent, I constantly complained of boredom. And to that, Rama’s reply was: Do something. In fact, if he hadn’t pushed me, I may not have really started working.

J&P: Did you move to USA as soon as you were married?
He: We got married in our hometown in Kerala in 1964 & left for USA in 1970 where I wanted to pursue my Ph.d. I had already been abroad for my higher studies & this move was a natural outcome. I became a professor of economics at Southern Methodist University, Dallas for 14 years & then at Business School of New York University for 18 years.

J&P: Ammini, how did you start your career? Did you always want to write cookbooks?
She: It was boredom that propelled me to think of work. I decided to do an MBA and enrolled in an evening school. Looking back, I wonder how we managed it all! But we did & I worked for 22 years as a financial analyst and later in New York, as senior credit officer in an Italian bank.

J&P: How did the book happen?
She: I have always been interested in food history & wanted to write about Kerala cuisine. My mother was an excellent cook & hostess. Most of my cousins were abroad and they all remembered her dishes & would talk about them whenever we met.
He: She would often write articles about food on her website. It was like her first hobby.
She: The New York University had a department of food studies that offered a course on how to write cookbooks. I joined the course and as they say, the rest is history.

J&P: Not everyone who writes cookbooks has actually done such a course. This penchant for methodology – is this the USA influence?
He: Probably so. Doing things in a structured manner is the right way.
She: When I started writing about food, I wrote like a financial analyst. It took a lot of rewriting & finding a good editor. I also became a member of IACP (International Association of Culinary Professionals) where I met some wonderful people who really helped me.

J&P: Were you always a good cook? What are your favourites?
He: (laughs) When we were in India, we had a cook. But in Rhode Island (where I was doing my Ph.D), we were the only married couple on our campus. So on weekends, many students and friends would come hoping for a home-cooked meal. But she really had no clue. Nor did I.
She: And unlike now, in those days, communicating with home was not easy. Trunk calls were expensive. But my mother sent me a letter every week with two recipes. They were written with hand measurements, just like she cooked – with pinches and fistfuls instead of teaspoons.
He: And that is what I now enjoy the most in her cooking – her mother’s touch! The Ellukari, chutney with friend banana chips, Wadas, Appams, & of course, her dosas are much sought after by all our friends.
She: I also learnt to cook from magazines. I remember looking at a recipe contest in one of them. On an impulse, I borrowed a friend’s typewriter & typed my mother’s coconut rice recipe tweaking it with American measurements. It won the first prize – that was in 1973. It excited me no end. I also enjoy cooking Italian, Mexican & French cuisines.

J&P: In a nutshell, tell us what you really admire about each other.
He: She had to go through many transformations to reach where she is today, and I admire the way she did that.
She: It was his motivation that made me do most of the things I did.

J&P: What is it you would like to change in the other?
He: Our time schedules! They never match.
She: Yes, if we have to something early in the morning, it is tough. He wakes up late & starts the day only after his three cups of coffee & two newspapers.
He: We have 2 office rooms – she sits in hers facing east & I sit in mine facing west. I am a night person & can work late. She switches off after dinner.
She: After a while, you simply adjust.

J&P: Is that your advice for the present generation?
She: This generation is very different. In many Indian families, parents pressurize their children to agree to an arranged marriage. But often, in such a situation, they marry without understanding commitment.
He: We always tell our children to be honest & to trust each other.
She: The Indian family structure is changing, becoming more nuclear & independent. Yet the good thing is that youngsters seem to have more honest & happy relationships.
He: In life, one must learn to change & adjust to changes in each other.

(P.S: There may be some minor editing changes before this article was printed in the Harmony Magazine.)
Photo courtesy : Pic 1 from Harmony Magazine, Pic 2 sent by Ammini.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Read on this blog:
>> Kurukku Kaalan ~ The Kerala recipe from Ammini’s kitchen.
>> A traditional meal from Kerala ~ The meal we cooked with Ammini’s recipes.
>> SoulFood & SoulMates ~ Click to view the other couples we have featured in the SoulFood series.
Read the tribute post by Ammini on our blog with her Amma’s Ellukari.